A Traitor In Court

Chapter 1


One fine day, in the kingdom of Alexandria, King Alexander sits on his throne, and discharges his royal duties, that is to say that King Alexander just sits on his throne and … well just sits.

Suddenly, he says to his minister of internal half-hairs, “By Jove, man! I’ve just been pondering…” “About what sire?” asked the minister in all earnest. “I’ve just been pondering ….” And a pause.

“Yes, m’lord?” “Oh, you know … I’ve just been pondering about wondering on what I should be thinking of. I’m sure that it must be something important; after all, I am Alexander you know …”

“I do indeed know m’lord” replied the minister, not a little perplexed. “As you should know. After all, I am the king and that comes with perks you know. Being famous and all.”

“Indeed m’lord”, said the minister begging and praying to God that he be spared this terrible ordeal. ”Hmmm …” thought the king and continued to ponder in wonder.



Chapter 2

 Meanwhile, in the near reaches of the far side of the nearby room, that is, the room next door, was seated the minister-of-all-things-that-were-sinful, or in short, Sinister. He was himself pondering, but unlike the king, he knew what he was pondering about, and that was to stop the king from pondering; in fact, to stop the king from doing anything at all; even living.

A plan was getting formed in his mind and with every passing instant of ponderous thought provoking wonder, the plan was becoming more and more lucid.

He rubbed his hands in glee and gave an evil smirk. Now the audience certainly knows that he is indeed the evil mastermind; well evil for sure but mastermind? Well, let’s just leave it at that for the time being.





Chapter 3

 If there was one thing that really fired up the passions of the people of Alexandria, it was the matter of economics. Before ‘The Great Recession’ hit the kingdom, not too many people actually bothered about the entire concept of economics. Indeed, not too many of them actually knew of the term ‘economics’ and they definitely didn’t even know of the existence of the minister-of- economic-issues-that-were-pretty-much-non-issues, much less his name. This story would be incomplete if the reader does not know of ‘the great recession’ that hit the kingdom of Alexandria.



Chapter 4

 It was one summer when everyone was very happy indeed and going about their business, when ‘TGR’ hit; and when it hit, the effect was indeed ghastly.

Everyone receded, some by two steps, and some by far greater distances, usually four or five. Now what caused this recession?

Well, the great Emperor, on a whim, one day decided that every piece of paper in the land would become money and that his kingdom would thus become the most prosperous in the world. Why did he do this? Well, he just felt like it.

And so, overnight, everyone became insanely rich. No one needed to work anymore. Farmers stopped farming and so there was no food. In fact, even the leaves stopped producing food for the trees because they argued that since paper was derived from them, they were rich beyond their wildest dreams and they would not work anymore.

There were media storms created, newscasters had a field day (though, why the newscasters decided to continue working, in spite of being insanely rich, had most people in a fix) and the minister-of- economic-issues-that-were-pretty-much-non-issues became an overnight celebrity (though no one still knew his name).

Now all this led to a serious predicament. No one did anything, anymore, and this posed a huge problem to the Emperor because he no longer had anyone to cater to his whims.



Chapter 5

And so, he came up with the most brilliant solution.

He announced “anyone found with any bits of paper(money), will be prosecuted and hanged until pronounced dead or the rope breaks(whichever happens first)”

And so, fearing the wrath of the almighty emperor, overnight, people burnt away all the paper that they had (the environmentalists went crazy and tried to stop the madness, citing the damage to the atmosphere, but they were thrown into the bonfire along with the paper).

Thus, parity was restored and Alexander had again became the supreme ruler of the land, and in addition, also became the richest man in the kingdom, yet again (inexplicably, when he had indeed collected all his paper to be burnt, he couldn’t find a matchstick to light the pile and he couldn’t call out for help because all his attendants were too busy burning their own paper).

So what was the role of the minister-of- economic-issues-that-were-pretty-much-non-issues  in all of this? Well, nothing really except maybe providing some absolutely indiscernible mumble about economic terms like ‘liquidity’ and ‘inflation’ that no one really understood or really cared about.

The final outcome?  People knew of the existence of the minister but still not his name.



Chapter 6

 Back in the room next to the throne room, Sinister’s grin had turned into a full-fledged evil laugh (muhahahahaha and all that). He knew exactly what he had to do to overthrow the Great ruler and in the process become the absolute undisputed ruler of all the land. (Muhahahahaha again)

He knew that the one issue that would certainly impact the people was the economy, and his plan was very simple really; he would make sure that the King committed unpardonable economic offences and then the people would never forgive him. After that, getting rid of the King would be easy and since Sinister would then become the greatest hero, his accession to the throne would be but a mere formality. (Muhahahahaha again)

And so, he set his plan in motion.




Chapter 7

 Alexander was a great king, no doubt, but his one biggest weakness was that he tended to trust people a bit too much. Whenever he was asked to sign any document, he did so without so much as a glance at what he was signing.

In fact, one of his rather dim witted ministers, who had aspirations to the throne himself, got the King to sign a document that handed over the entire power of the land to him. After he got the King to sign it, he did a dance, shouted his lungs out and proclaimed triumphantly that he was then the absolute almighty ruler of the land. The entire court, but for the great Emperor was in a state of total and absolute shock but the ruler calmly shook his head and said, “sorry my man but I signed it in blue ink and everyone knows that an official transfer of power can be only ratified if it is signed in black ink.”

Since no one actually knew of such a rule but were too dumbstruck by the absurdity of the argument, they could not even so much as open their mouth and so, in his typical manner, the King took this silence to mean compliance and said quite simply, “Terribly sorry, old chap but it looks like I won this time. Guards! Take him away… Now… where were we”, and that was that.





 Chapter 8

 So Sinister went about embezzling funds from the treasury and depositing them in illicit places, always making sure that all of it could easily be traced back to the King. He had the king’s signature on all the papers of course and the color of the ink didn’t really matter.

He did all this over a period of a week and in the end had transferred around one Million Trillion Dollounds in various illicit places. At the end of the week, he laughed out-Muhahahahaha-in happiness and was generally pleased with himself. In fact, he had already bought a scepter and a matching royal robe to go with it.

Tomorrow would be his day. His time was imminent.




 Chapter 9

 The next morning, all was well in the court of King Alexander. He was, as ever sitting on his throne and … well, just sitting. But today, the entire court was huddled in a hush silence. An intense game of GOFL(Go On, Finish Last) was in session and it was a titanic tussle between Tortie the tortoise and Snell the snail. Both both nearing the finish line, it truly was neck and neck.

It was at this time that Sinister made his entry into the court and upon seeing that no one really gave a damn about him, he coughed a little to gain attention. Didn’t work. He coughed again, this time a bit louder. Still didn’t work. Now he positively went into a rampaging, all-engulfing coughing fit that everyone in the court had to look at him and acknowledge him. Even Tortie got scared and went into his shell and Snell just looked bemused (if it is indeed possible for snails to look bemused).

Now that he had the attention he needed, he addressed the court, “I have a very important announcement…” He was cut short by the minister-of-short-cuts who said, “Cant it wait, Sinister? W’ve got a terribly exciting game going on here.” Completely ignoring him, Sinister continued “ … and it’s about the economy …” Suddenly, everyone’s attention was focused on Sinister. It was the effect of the magic ‘E’ word.

“So as I was saying, there has been a fraud to the …”

Again, he was cut short. This time it was the king himself. “The economy, you say? Hmmm… What about it?” “Well, m’lord, as I was saying” “Yes, yes… As you were saying…” “Yes m’lord, as I was saying…” “Indeed man. You have firmly established your point that you were indeed saying. Now say it”

Sinister was getting exasperated but he thought of the glory that lay ahead and kept his cool. “The economy…” Again it was the King. “Yes indeed. Funny old thing really, the economy. Money and all. Bemusing really. I mean …”

Sinister was near breaking point now but he had come too far to let it go. He interjected, “So, as I was saying my lord”, and without taking a pause even to breathe, continued, “ there has been an embezzlement of funds to the tune of one Million Trillion Dollounds” As he said the last two words, his voice leapt to a fever pitch, not so much because of his conviction but quite simple because of his utter breathlessness.





Chapter 10

 The entire court said “hunnnh”, as one would say when confronted with something that takes one aback, but only the sound here was made by the entire court, and in that hushed silence, Sinister left out his breath, just for dramatic effect (and also because he could no longer really hold it in).

He continued, “And the culprit is ….”

Before the culprit is revealed, we must take a moment to describe the reaction of the mighty Ruler to all this. He was unmoved. Now that we have taken a moment, we shall resume with the scene.

“The culprit is …”, paused for dramatic effect, turned around to face the Emperor, pointed an accusing finger, and said in the most dramatic voice that he could muster, “ ALEX-AND-ER.”

There was another “hunnnh” that followed this dramatic announcement and this “hunnnh” was way more dramatic than the previous one and also way more open mouthed. The entire court slowly turned towards the great Emperor.

Sinister turned to the Emperor and gave a triumphant smile as if to say, “Ha!” The Emperor finally began to take interest in the matter, and leaned forward.






Chapter 11

 Everyone was absolutely eager to know how he was going to defend himself and waited with bated breath for his response. The Emperor opened his mouth to speak and everyone just held their breath. And then, he spoke…

He asked quizzically, “And who?” Those were his exact words. Everyone was stunned beyond belief. Sinister was so flustered that he couldn’t bring himself to utter anything at all. He just gaped at the King and managed to mutter, “What??”

The King again asked, calmly and coolly, “And who?” In the meanwhile, it must be pointed out that the entire court did remember to release their breath but were still too stunned to speak.

“What do you mean ‘and who’?” demanded Sinister, now in a state of very high irritability. “Well, you were going to name the conspirators; you named one of them and were going to name the other when you abruptly stopped. Now I demand to know the name of the other,” said the Emperor with ever growing authority.

“What??” cried Sinister, just stopping short of pulling his hair out.

“Well, you said ‘Alex and er…’ and then stopped.  As your king, I demand that you name the other person involved in this heinous act.”

Now Sinister was absolutely livid. “Me?” he asked again, just to be sure.

“You?” asked the King.

“Me?”

“You?”

“Me?”

“You?”

“Me?” asked Sinister in a voice that was a mix between utter and total exasperation and absolute submission.

“Ha! So it was indeed you. Guards! Take this man away. He has admitted that he is indeed guilty of treason against the Kingdom. Issue an all points search out for a gentleman named Alex,” commanded the almighty ruler, raising himself from his throne and standing majestically tall, all six foot of him.

“Oh! And look …” he said cheerily, just as everyone was trying to get their senses back from utter chaos of the scene they had witnessed. “Tortie has won the game…”

So barmy, Oh so loony,

He was the one, he was the only.

So absurd, they couldn’t help but wonder,

Who else but Alexander the Blunder…



Cheers

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Jenna was pleased with herself. She looked at herself in the glass window of Tiffany’s, small deli that she frequented from time to time. She wore a black suit with a silk shirt and scarf. She adjusted her scarf and blew the loose strand of hair that fell over her face. She felt good. She had just closed a business deal that would make sure that her company got a big guaranteed income for the next two years and her, a nice beefy pay raise.

She was in a mood to celebrate. She looked at the time. It was 9 in the morning; too soon for a drink. ‘What better way to start off than pancakes and maple syrup’, she thought and went into the diner. To her surprise, the deli was nearly full with just a few seats scattered here and there, but no empty table.

Now, Jenna was a very pretty woman, and she knew it. She wasn’t arrogant but knew that she attracted more than a few stares. Naturally, she enjoyed flirting around a bit, and was in a flirtatious mood now.

She looked around the empty seats and her eyes fixed on a table where a man was seated alone and was apparently engrossed in his meal. She sized him up. He wore a pair of faded jeans with a casual checked shirt and a pair of Ray Ban aviator sunglasses. Now, those glasses looked good on most people but on him, they looked awesome. ‘Mmmm’, she thought, naughtily. He had sharp features and though he was seated, she could make out that he was quite tall and well built.

She walked over to the table and asked in a tone that was cool, ‘This seat taken?’ ‘Be my guest’, said the man in a matter-of-fact way, without so much as looking up from his breakfast. Quickly checking to see if he had seen her, and confirming that he indeed hadn’t, she took off her scarf, undid the buttons of her suit and sat down.

He still didn’t appear to take any interest whatsoever in her and she felt a slight pang. Well, she wasn’t used to being ignored, that’s for sure and she decided to restore some status quo. ‘Nice place this’, she said to which the man nodded, still not taking his eyes off his meal. Now, she was incensed and decided to take it up as a challenge. From somewhere, that hidden vanity had indeed raised its head and quietly, she was pretty happy that it had.

She adjusted her suit again and decided to try again. ‘I’ve heard that the pancakes this place serves are the best. I’m Jenna by the way’, she said, her tone cool and measured. ‘Can’t really comment on that. I myself never had anything other than the eggs and bacon’, he said finally looking at her and flashing a hint of a smile. ‘Oh and I’m Jake. Pleased to meet you’, he said and got back to his meal.

Now there was something seriously wrong, thought Jenna. She certainly expected a better reaction, once that he had finally seen her, but apparently he was not in the least bit interested. Now, she was nothing if not a fighter. She decided to pursue her case with a renewed vigor and began to make friendly talk with him, asking him about what he did, where he lived and the usual. He replied to all her questions, in a cool way and even asked her a couple of questions, all the while never giving the impression of being distant, but not showing too much eagerness either. He hardly ever seemed to show her more than a small smile from time to time and seemed to be more engrossed in his meal. After a while Jenna gave up and began to mentally curse this guy. ‘I mean… His loss, if he can’t see what he’s missing. His loss…’, she reassured herself.

He finished his meal and paid for it, leaving a generous tip. She could see that he was indeed well built and tall. She was still cursing him in his mind, when he got up to leave. He pulled on a baseball cap which was on the chair next to him, turned to her, smiled, said, in the nicest possible manner, ‘It was great talking to you’, unfolded his cane, which was kept in the chair beside him, tapped it on the ground in front of him a few times to make sure he got his positioning sense right, and went off, tapping the cane ahead of him, leaving Jenna stunned.

Beauty, it is said, lies in the eye of the beholder.

10 Reasons why I hate Sachin Tendulkar

1.       He always plays a brilliant innings before my exam and hence doesn’t let me study.

2.       Every time that I think of becoming an atheist, he gets into the nineties and I have no choice but to pray.

3.       Every time I take a resolution not to bite my nails, he gets into the nineties and I am left with no choice but to chew on my nails.

4.       He keeps all the records to himself.

5.       He makes a lot more money than me.

6.       He costs way too much on ‘super selector’ but since I have to pick him, the rest of my team gets weakened.

7.       During a match, invariably when I want to go to the bathroom, he hits a boundary and hence I have no choice but to sit and watch the replay.

8.       As soon as I convince myself that God does not exist, he plays a straight drive and proves me wrong.

9.       He brings the whole country to a standstill whenever he bats

10.   And the last and the biggest reason why I hate Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar …

He is going to retire sometime in the future…

 

Sachin Tendul'17K'ar

Two balls outside off stump. Both met with the full face of the bat but straight the fielders in the cover-point region. The next ball was slightly outside off; a small walk across the stumps and with the deftest of turns of the bat, the ball raced away down toward the vacant mid wicket boundary and he picked up three. The entire stadium went berserk, the entire country went mad with joy and yet the man himself was more interested in changing his bat. After selecting a bat that he felt was best, he turned to the crowd and acknowledged their cheers with just a gentle wave of the left hand as if to say, ‘Thank you folks, but I have some unfinished business to tend to.’ A milestone that was thought to be unattainable: 17000 runs in One Day Internationals, had just been achieved, and the only reaction from the man who got it? A nonchalant wave. There was a more important task in hand, winning the match. That, ladies and gentleman, sums up the man for you. It has, is and will always be ‘India first’.

What can further be said about the man who has carried the hopes of a nation on his shoulders for two decades? 17000 runs in ODIs, 30000 plus in all forms of the game, approaching a century of centuries and yet, the innate values remain the same; the same boyish charm, the same enthusiasm and the same passion that has driven this remarkable journey.

 Watching his innings last night, was a throwback to the nineties, not only did I witness the same uninhibited and free flowing innings that typified the man in the last decade of the 20^th century, but also the familiar theme of a lone ranger fighting against the tide, valiantly and not giving in, even when all the odds were stacked firmly against him. His innings was such a treat to watch that the commentators were quite lost for words. ‘Genius’, ‘Brilliant’, ‘Outstanding’, ‘Sensational’, ‘Incredible’ seemed to be the only words that were being spoken when he was batting.

His undying passion for the game and love for the country was highlighted further during the post match press conference. Looking at his forlorn face, you would never have guessed that here stood a man, who had scaled Everest already, had discovered a peak higher than it, and scaled that too. His disappointment at India having lost the match outweighed the sense of achievement; that, typifies the man. When Arun Lal asked him, ‘Sachin what keeps you going?’ He replied ‘I guess it’s the passion for the game and the desire to play for India.’ If anyone else had said this, they could be forgiven for sounding a bit clichéd but when Sachin says this, everyone has a lump in their throat because they all know that there is nothing but genuineness there.

So, 17000 has been scaled. 45 tons in One day cricket. He’s got most of the records that matter and keeps breaking his own. Yet, in spite of all this, he’s always due for a big score, every time he comes out to bat. ‘What next?’ one may be tempted to ask. Only Sachin can answer that.

He’s been called many things: ‘Master Blaster’, ‘The Little Master’, ‘Tondulkar’, ‘Genius’, ‘The little champion’ and many many more but ultimately, the great man will want to be known thus :

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar – Indian Cricketer.

 

A New Dawn

He woke up; woke up to the same darkness that he woke up to every morning. He looked around and there was the same stillness all around. He tried to find something out of the ordinary but, as always, there was nothing. All around him was, everything was enveloped in the same dark stillness, save for the one fleeting faint ray of light overhead.

He grew more frustrated. At first, it only seemed natural, the darkness and the stillness. Soon though, he began to wonder; wonder beyond the dark, wonder of the one ray of light that kept appearing overhead from time to time, wonder about the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

The walls seemed to be closing in around him by the day. Either his enclosure was becoming smaller, or he was growing larger. He oft heard voices from the outside his walls of confinement, and had tried many a time to literally kick the walls down, but to no avail.

And so, he decided; decided that he had had enough; decided that he had been in shackles long enough; decided to break free.

Thus, he exerted, exerted himself, strained every last nerve and sinew and began to wade his way out of the stillness. Then strangely, as he began his struggle, he could feel the assistance of some invisible external force ‘pushing’ him toward his goal.

Buoyed by this, he soldiered on until he found an opening. At first, he gingerly pushed his feet through the orifice. His feet were free; free from the stillness. He experienced freedom for the first time. He moved his legs. With renewed vigor, he pushed himself until slowly he inched his way out of the confinement and soon, his whole being was free; free from the confines and shackles of the past nine months.

His baby blue eyes opened and he looked at the world for the very first time.

He had arrived.

 

As the morning sun, in the East, rose ,

In its glory, a great son arose.

From the depths of his mother,

Staring into the long blue yonder.

 

 

Cheers

 

Footnote : One day, I was just thinking about what a baby would probably feel inside his mother’s womb and there you go … This was actually an idea that came to me quite a while ago but because of my laziness more than anything else, I never did sit down and pen it, or rather type it down. But hey! Better late than never right J