a disclaimer: All the reports here are based on completely baseless unreliable sources. We only compile them and present it to you. If we catch hold of our reporters, we will sue them on your behalf.
On tonight’s show:
- The Barclays Premier League season kicks off
- Synchronized swimming
- The Rogers cup
- ‘No Delhi, not New Delhi’ says Dawn
- Manchester City
The Barclays Premier League season kicks off
Bharti Dave (whose daughter Avani was in the team) had been working as coordinator for the swim team. Haruka left in mid-April and since then, the girls have been training on their own. In mid-July, Bharti Dave took 3 girls (including her daughter) to the United States for a special camp. The other girls came to know of it only later. Naturally, they were outraged. They now feel as if they have been part of the cult video game, 'Dangerous Dave'. Anand Merchant, the father of Avanti and Anushka, wrote a letter to M.S.Gill, not because his name sounds like that associated with a fish, and the subject matter involved swimming, but because he is the sports minister. Anand is clearly not happy.
Coach, Param Pal, said that she had no idea where the girls were and that she was only a govt. servant. The girls left behind definitely don't see her as a pal anymore. When we contacted Haruka, she spoke in Japanese which our able translator translated to mean, 'I have only trained the Indian girls. Please do not ask me about the United States. Also, I am having sushi for dinner.'
Evidently, the synchronized swimming team is not anywhere near in-sync. Though, some girls were rumored to be listening to the music of 'N Sync to keep their spirits up. The results of this experiment are yet not out.
The Rogers cup
In a keenly contested final, Murray ultimately prevailed 7-5 7-5. Interestingly, this win takes his career head to head record with Federer to 7-5. When asked about his win, he said that it was great to win such a coveted title and that it was his serve that really helped him. He said something about being James Bond and about being On her Majesty's secret service. Clearly Queen Elizabeth has had something to do with Murray's much improved serving.
Meanwhile, Federer was clearly disappointed on missing out on the title. He said that the numerous rain delays did not help his cause either with him not being able to regain his momentum. 'The pendulum swung his way in the end', he said. Experts are still arguing whether he was talking about the tennis match or was advertising his rolex watch. Also, while Murray might have won, Federer had the last laugh. 'After all', he was quoted as saying, 'he may have won but the tournament is still named after me.'
‘No Delhi, not New Delhi’ says Dawn
Legendary Australian swimmer, Dawn Faser has urged Australian athletes to boycott the forthcoming commonwealth games to be held in New Delhi. ‘I would hate to see another Munich’, she was quoted as saying. When we asked close friends and family, we found out that Dawn has never been a great fan of Steven Spielberg or his movies. Hence it is only natural that she would not like to see Munich, let alone another Munich. Fraser was supported by another former Australian athlete Raelene Boyle, who was present at the Munich Games during the massacre. She said that she had seen her namesake, Danny Boyle’s portrayal of India in Slumdog Millionaire and was appalled. When we mentioned that it was Mumbai that was shown in the movie and not Delhi, she was non-committal on the issue.
Meanwhile, triple Olympic gold medalist, Australian swimming sensation, Stephanie Rice, has confirmed that she will be postponing her shoulder surgery and will indeed be taking part in the commonwealth games. Rice said that she hoped to rise to the occasion and bring laurels to her country. Also, she said that she wanted to explore India. When asked what fascinated Rice the most about India, she said one word, ‘basmati.’
Stephen Ireland went the other way as part of the deal. reportedly, Manchester City were keen to offload Ireland because of a supposed rift that Manchester once had with Ireland, the country. When asked about the move, Ireland said that he was happy to be going to a club like Aston Villa who have shown that they are a top team. When quizzed about his loyalty towards his new club, he said, 'Oh don’t worry! If James has bought an Aston, I've already gone and bought something more expensive, a villa.' He chuckled and added, 'and not David Villa, Barca already got hold of him.'
Meanwhile City also finally got their hands on Mario Balotelli, the prodigious 19 year old Italian striker from Inter Milan. Nicknamed 'Super Mario', Balotelli has worked with City manager Roberto Mancini when Mancini was the manager at Inter. Balotelli joins City's long line of strikers. When asked if Balotelli could force his way into the starting line-up, Mancini was very optimistic, 'Why not? He's supremely talented and has got a great game.' When asked about which game, Mancini was still undecided over the Nintendo 64 version or the Nintendo Wii version of Mario. Rumor has it that Balotelli has also bought a go-kart just so that he doesn't look touch with the 'Mario kart' game. Next up on City's radar is Luigi. Once they complete his signing, they will have the Super Mario Brothers on their books.
Just in case you missed the whole Sehwag – Randiv ‘no-ball gate’ midweek, catch it at http://bit.ly/aiZSXZ
That’s it from this week’s bulletin. We hope you enjoyed it. Until next time, its good bye from us …